This work demands every fibre of my being, because every time I witness a birth it scratches at a wound, every time there’s a death it scratches a wound.
On the days I don’t feel overwhelmed and scared and I sit by they ocean and I realize that I am reaching back and not only healing my own wounds but my mothers wounds too.
One of the things we had to do before my doula course was to write down our birth stories. I don’t know my birth story but I know sometimes I feel scared and I don’t know why, and if I sit with that fear and really feel it, i can sense it is not my own, it’s my mothers fear, it'd the fear in my lineage. As I continue this work, that sense of fear becomes less and less.
Today has been filled with sadness, today has been running from myself, today has been unhealthy coping mechanisms but now I sit in bed with a candle and some incense and hold myself with compassion, I touch my wounds gently, give thanks for the amazing community of Doulas who endlessly support me, give thanks for the depth to which I can feel these things and call it a day.