I’m still not done talking about transference and the the things we feel that are not ours but rather the feelings that have not yet come to rest in our lineage.
While doing my Doula course, one of the questions we were asked is what blocks we might come up against in becoming a Doula and I knew immediately it would be separating myself from my clients emotions and recognizing which emotions were my own and which were theirs. (I'm still learning|)
Earlier this week I had the privilege of being at a birth with my private client, her labour was long and she moved through it with so much power and determination, she had hoped to give birth vaginally but after many hours this was not a possibility anymore. At one point she said to me “I feel less of women” and my heart cracked because it was so difficult to see her trying to process not being able to give birth in the way she had hoped and then I thought of myself and all the times I’d felt less of a women and then I thought of how we as a collective feel less women. And the other thing she really wanted was for her mother to be there and tell her it would all be okay. I love my adoptive mother to the ends of the earth but I always want my birthmother in times of change or transition, I always want her to tell me it will be okay, and then I left my thoughts and found my heart again, and watched as she continued to labour and I was again reminded of our strength as women and our collective feminine power.
Every client I have is my greatest teacher, each birth I go to I learn more about myself. To every woman who has let me walk beside them on their journey, I honor you deeply. It takes me ages to find myself again after a birth, so until my next birth in the next week or so I'll be for the most part hibernating.